Wednesday, July 23, 2025

Shame and Deepest Sorrow

I am once again in a place where I am somewhat astonished by American politics. We are obsessed by Trump and the Epstein files debacle. Our disgrace of a president continues to make a mockery of the top office in our country after having thrown napalm on the Constitution from the MOMENT he took the oath of office for his current term. We do not have co-equal branches of government anymore or an independent media. We are, for all intents and purposes, a fascist state. But we are still free and living in, for now, a democracy. I will check back in when the midterm elections are due to happen next year. 

Where America has consistently failed has been the topic of compassion fatigue. Whenever there is a crisis on the international stage, we care, but only for a certain amount of time. And then, for lack of a better word, we get bored. We move on. To the next shiny object that can distract us. And with our president there are certainly no shortage of idiotic attempts at distraction. Attempts so absurd it literally makes one’s eyes roll and brain cramp. The fact that he’s going after our 44th president makes me personally seethe with a level of contempt I usually reserve only for the Los Angeles Dodgers. It’s that serious. 

What we must not forget that there are issues going on in the world that are truly horrific in scale. The war in Ukraine has been going on for almost 3 ½ years. They are losing lives and soldiers are literally fighting in trenches like it was WWI. They have been pretty much abandoned by our president who refused to honor our country’s commitments to defend democracy and a state’s right to sovereignty. And while there might be some course correction on that, it will take a long time for arms and ammunition to get to the troops on the ground which will lead to more deaths to civilians and soldiers alike. I have made a friend online with a man who is a soldier in the Ukrainian army. He’s 53 and sent me a picture of the meager amount of food they have because of lack of funding due to our government basically abandoning them. It makes me sad for the soldiers who continue to fight for the country they love. He sent his mother and daughter here to be safe and now is TERRIFIED for them because of our president’s immigration insanity. He’s trying to figure out a way to safely get them to Canada. Please pray for them.

And then there is the situation in Gaza. In an attempt to educate myself on the issue I have started reading about the history of Palestine and the region in general, as well as Zionism. One of the lies being perpetrated is that the atrocities being committed have solely been a result of the events that occurred on October 7, 2023. That this is because of what Hamas did to the Israeli people. But upon studying history I found that this is simply not true. Zionists have been advocating for the elimination of the Palestinian people since the 1880’s. They don’t want a two state solution and never have. Their goal has always been genocide. Settlers have pushed Palestinians off lands that they’ve lived on for generations. They have made it so they have to go through so many restrictive checkpoints it makes it impossible for them to achieve gainful employment to provide for their families. The refugee camps in Gaza have raised multiple generations. There are one million refugees living in the Gaza Strip. 

Most recently Palestinians find themselves in a humanitarian crisis that is approaching the point of no return. People, mostly children, are being starved. Aid organizations are saying that even if food gets in, it may be too late. IDF soldiers are shooting women and children who are waiting for food. People are getting crushed in stampedes when aide is being distributed. And like all fascist regimes, for the Zionists, the cruelty is the point. The Zionists keep telling the lie that amidst the clearly civilian population, Hamas Is infiltrating the ranks. Doctors in the few remaining hospitals and healthcare centers are being called Hamas operatives. They continue to lie to the faces of the media outlets who are dumb enough to interview them. It is so infuriating that we keep buying the crap they keep selling us. Just like the administration here. Only the body count is much lower here. 

I don’t know if we will ever truly wake up to being part of the world. Or if that’s just the curse of the West. I think it likely part of the myth of America exceptionalism that is crumbling under the actions of our current President’s dumb fuckery. Our standing on the world stage is diminished, significantly. It’s embarrassing sure. But in my opinion a little humbling may not be a bad thing. I LOVED the show The Newsroom. It was the show that Aaron Sorkin did after The West Wing. And many will remember the first episode where Jeff Daniel’s character goes viral for his on stage meltdown about why America isn’t the greatest country in the world. And he brings the receipts. And he’s right. We aren’t. Even more so now. There are children literally starving to death on the other side of the world right now. So you’ll forgive me if I can’t give a Kentucky Fried Fuck about a dementia addled narcissist’s culpability in a child sex trafficking ring. History has shown he won’t be held accountable. He never is. So I will be over here continuing to educate myself, and praying, and donating what I can to helping the least of these. Because even though it’s bad here, we’re still pretty damn lucky.

Sunday, June 29, 2025

F$&K the Disease of Addiction

Someone I love very much lost a family member to the disease of alcoholism. Far too early. I am heartbroken for them, and myself. It’s brought up a lot of grief about my mother. My mom lost her life due to her addictions. And I thought I had gotten over that through my own work in my recovery. But this has brought it all up for me. That addiction robbed me of the mother I deserved. A mom who could put the needs of others before her own. Who was scared and angry and bitter. Who was jealous of the relationship I got to have with my dad because her’s died when she was 7 years old. Who never told me I was pretty. Who made me feel ashamed of my own sexual awakening that was totally benign and age appropriate. Who made me feel ashamed of my weight and size. I could go on and on.

They say that recovery is giving up the hope of a better past. And the Big Book also says that Acceptance is the answer to ALL our problems. I guess I’ve got some more work to do. I’m glad I know what to do. And that I have the willingness to do it.

Thanks for reading.

Saturday, June 21, 2025

A separate awakening

I have recently become awakened to the idea of what fascism is. It was beautifully and simply explained as being the oppression of the “other”. And so once so clearly defined, we can clearly say we are no different than the Nazi’s. Our oppression of brown immigrants is no different than Israel’s oppression of the Palestinian people’s, is no different than the Nazi’s oppression of the Jews. The world is awakening to the lie we try and tell that it’s not true. America is waking up. Trump’s criminalization of free speech bears witness to his fear. The famous quote says the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice. This is the shift. I pray for the liberation of ALL oppressed people.

The Phoenix and the Etch-A-Sketch

Cliches are just that for a reason. And so I am here today to say that I am the Phoenix. rising from the ashes once again. What can I say. Life sucker punched me but I have risen, even if it took me 2 years to do it. I said way back in 2023, that everything I’d gone through would only have been a failure if I didn’t learn from it. And I did. Because when I did what I said I wouldn’t do, I went off my meds. But something great happened! I recognized the symptoms, fixed the problem and got back on track with no external body damage. I’m STOKED! Cuz when I was so acutely ill two years ago the worst part was I could NOT be told that something was wrong. My illness led to an arrogance that temporarily cost me relationships. It sucked. Luckily, the relationships that were meant to stick did. But I learned an important lesson; I do not have to accept unacceptable behavior from ANYONE.

This new situation has revealed two opportunities to exercise the same choice. And I am ready so much quicker to pull the trigger. When I’m done I’m done. No gaslighting will be tolerated. I’m taking my toys out of the sandbox. And I’m just so grateful to be willing to draw my boundaries with a Sharpie marker and not an Etch-A-Sketch.

And once again I’m reminded of the gift of being to even just be willing to seek the solution. Willingness always breads almost instant action, at least in my experience. That has been the miracle for me today. Now where I tend to drop the ball is the whole, the only permanence is repetition part. Cuz that ball got dropped. I’m not perfect. There’s always room for grace. In God’s economy there are no mistakes. And for that I’m REALLY freakin grateful.

Thanks for reading.